Cancel the Pity Party

    Life seems to test us all the time. Every now and again we are thrown into a pit of problems and despair; whether it is due to losing a job, failing a diet or experiencing relationship issues. The experience can sometimes lead to inner turmoil and emotional treachery. Yes, life really can be tough!

    If you are having a pity party for yourself, recognize that it is okay to feel down, and that it is normal to experience hardship; however, do not wallow too long in pity of yourself, nor expect pity from others.
    Everyone, everywhere, in their own unique way, is facing trials and tribulations relative to their own life.


    What Is Pity?

    Pity is the feeling of sorrow and compassion that is caused by suffering. When you want someone else to pity you, you are asking them to feel sorry for you. When you pity yourself you are feeling sorry for yourself. And sometimes you can’t help it. You feel that way, and that’s just that. You may have a hard time dragging yourself out of it.

    Recognize your situation, and make sure you want to feel better. That is the key. Do you want to stay in this place and lay out the party food for all your friends? Do you want to make an event out of your own misery? Or do you want to feel love for life again, and start to move forward?

    Whatever has beaten you down, you can get past it. You really can get past it as soon as you want to. To help you on the way, we are going to take a look at some of the reasons why you shouldn’t pity yourself, and some of the ways that you can start getting out of the pit.

    Pity or Love?

    There is pity and then there is love. When some people feel down they may become distant from the love of the people around them, yet they may demand their attention and want them to recognize their state, and feel bad for them. This attitude doesn’t welcome positivity and may actually support negative energy in a way. This is what pity becomes; a negative energy that we demand from ourselves and others.

    Love on the other hand is different. When we feel down, or when we have experienced a difficult period in our lives, we often find forget to love ourselves, and we often turn a cold shoulder to the love and positivity that people offer us. We don’t let ourselves think good thoughts, and we don’t let people uplift us.

    Love is stronger than pity, and it will cure your misery and hardship much more effectively. The first step to moving away from pity is to give yourself love. Be kind to yourself; to your body and mind. Take rest. Take exercise. Take an active approach to feeling good again. Whatever it is that sparked your upset, don’t let it snowball into something else entirely. Your self-love will serve you much better than your self-pity.

    If others around you offer you love, let them in when you feel ready. Let them be your ears. Let them offer you words of encouragement and instead of thinking “why are they saying that when I feel like this” just let your mind enjoy the interaction. Remember, nearly everyone has been through some hard times… they know how you feel, and they want to make you feel better. Let them.


    How to Move Away From Pity

    Instead, I suggest some simple steps to stop you from throwing too much of a pity party.

    Acceptance: Start to come to terms with your situation. This takes time and reflection, and will vary depending on the circumstances, and your individual personality. What is important is that you understand that what the current circumstance is and accept that it is apart of your journey. . You may have a lesson to learn, and if you do you can take it with you to the next chapter in life. You may have an upsetting situation to deal with, such as grievance. You have to accept it. That is the only best to move on.

    Patience: They say that time is the great healer, and I think that is very true. Remember that you have not always felt this way, and that you will not always feel this way in the future. You are going through a rough spot, you have accepted it, and now you are going to give it time. There is no need to rush out and fill any gaps that feel missing. For example, when some people split up with their partner they want to rush out and find another. It is usually better to let things happen naturally, and to focus on coming back to your own happiness. Have patience, and feel a little better every day.

    Planning: Turn your pity into a plan. Pity is the wrong perspective for getting anything done. It doesn’t get you a new job when you have been fired, it doesn’t get you a new partner when you have had a break-up, and it doesn’t get you a new life when you are fed up with your current one. It gets you nowhere fast. When you start to feel a little better, don’t waste too much time wallowing. Many people think that they ‘should’ feel bad for longer, or that they don’t deserve to start moving with life again. As soon as you feel strong enough mentally (which can be accomplished through acceptance and patience) you can begin to plan for life. Has the negative event opened up a gap or opportunity of any kind? For example, if you have lost your job is this the chance to start hunting down your dream one? Make a plan.

    Back to Life: Be big and brave, and know that no one can do this for you; now is the time to take a step back out into the world, and show yourself how strong you are. Put your plan into action, and start to enjoy the pursuit of your goals again. Love life once more!


    Pity Doesn’t Get You Anywhere

    Let’s move on to something really practical. you make it harder to move on. Your behavior starts to reflect your mind, and you start to feel worse. When you feel worse it becomes harder still to get motivated again. Your reaction to life’s tests will determine the outcome.


    Written By: Alaisha Capers

    Alaisha Capers is a Certified Life Adversity and Success Coach and the Founder of Life Works Success Coaching, LLC located in the Washington, D.C. metro area. She helps women fill in the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. She helps her clients create the life they want because they realize they need a change and are ready to experience results. She offers flexible options for sessions which can be conducted via telephone or Skype to coach those across the miles. Visit her website and blog. for more information.


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